Man Cave Storage for the Metrosexual

We all need a little extra space, a private sanctuary where we can let our hair down (or up) for a minute, but for most of us privacy is at a premium around the house. Maybe you’ve got a family, you’re still living the college lifestyle, or the entire cast of Eight Is Enough is staying with you until ABC renews their contract. Whatever the case, if you want to preserve your sanity, you will need your own man cave.

This could be a spare room, the basement, your garage, or a self-storage unit, just so long as it is yours and only yours. Nobody else gets a key, visitors are allowed in by invitation only, and none of your man-toys are ever judged.

For the metrosexual, a modern-day single young man with disposable income and a penchant for personal hygiene, this man cave is even more essential, as it is a refuge free from the usual barrage of taunts from other heterosexual men who are too insecure to realize that exfoliating your dry, cracked feet is not a federal offense.

Here’s a list of recommended items for man cave storage for the metrosexual:

Well-fitting jeans – because the saggy-ass, down around your thigh look is for boys, not men. Outdated boys. Boys with no sense of decorum.

Tweezers – because that uni-brow isn’t going to pluck itself. Most men are shy to remove those stray hairs in the company of other men or women, lest they appear gay. But not wishing to look like Bert (as in “…and Ernie”) is a very noble cause.

Hair gel – to give you that immaculately tousled look that women find eternally sexy. This is easier said than done, so you’ll want to practice in complete privacy first. Nobody needs to see your tears of frustration as you try again and again to duplicate the Johnny Depp look.

Full-length mirror – how else are you going to check out your rockin’ bod? And of course you’ve got a rockin’ bod—love handles and beer bellies are for the kind of men that truly do belong in a cave.

Razors and shaving cream—for your chest of course. Nobody needs to look like a ‘70s porn star.

Suits galore – just because no one wears sharp, tailored suits anymore in this world of startups and virtual offices doesn’t mean that you can’t sneak off to your man cave and don your favorite light blue Giorgio Armani suit paired with crisp white button down, linen tie, and suede loafers.

Life-sized posters of Ryan Gosling – natch. Gosling is the Gandhi of young metrosexuals everywhere.

Wine collection – since few, if any, of your pals actually take the time to read the label, sniff the bouquet, and savor the taste of the velvety Cab as it glides down your throat (and no, you’re still not gay), you’d best enjoy your personal wine collection in your private man cave. 

A car – don’t worry, this needn’t be an actual working car. It’s just a toy to practice peering under the hood like a professional without giving away that you know nothing about an engine.

Selena Templeton

Selena Templeton is a writer and editor who sees the world through Giggle Glass, a type of wearable technology with an optical head-mounted display plus false nose and mustache. It reveals the absurd, amusing, and inappropriate goings on of daily life and displays it in a lap top-like hands-on format, from which she posts to various blogs such as Self Storage Finders, Romantically Challenged, and As a former professional organizer and a current Virgo, she is a self-diagnosed authority on storage, packing, organizing, and general neat freakishness.

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