If you’re going to give up your life and move somewhere else to make a fresh start, first of all: stop getting so many restraining orders against you. Secondly, there’s no better place for a new beginning than Hawaii.
The state of Hawaii is made up of eight main islands: Niihau, Kauai, Oahu, Maui, Molokai, Lanai, Kahoolawe and the Big Island of Hawaii. Oahu is home to the capital, Honolulu, and Waikiki beach. Hawaii is “the most isolated population center on the face of the earth,” is the only U.S. state that grows coffee, and has its own time zone (Hawaiian Standard Time).
Just in case the idea of living on a paradise island with great weather, endless beaches, and world-famous Mai Tais is not enough, we’ll give you an additional 10 reasons for moving to Hawaii:
1. You’ll learn how to embrace minimalism.
With gorgeous sunsets, water the color of blue topaz, and fresh coconuts, who needs iPads, expensive jewelry, or gas-guzzling SUVs? True the average rent in Hawaii is $1,414 (and $1,800 on Oahu alone), which is about 50% higher than the national average ($905, so clearly L.A. and New York were omitted from this cute little survey), but this will only fuel your desire to embrace Zen minimalism.
2. Living costs will force you to make new friends.
Rather than (puka) shell out all that cash for an extravagant studio apartment for close to two grand, you can rent a room in a house (with the owner’s permission, of course) for about $400. If you’re anti-social or allergic to humans, this move may force you out of your sociopathic tendencies.
3. Your diet will improve.
Besides the Farmer’s Markets on Hawaii Island which offer not only local fruits and vegetables, but more exotic fare like dragon fruit, Portuguese malasadas (donuts), and poi (fermented, pounded, and baked taro root), you can climb up a palm tree and pick your own coconuts. Actually, you don’t even need to climb the tree: Hawaii boasts three “Pick Your Own” farms for fresh produce.
4. If you become homeless, the weather is awesome.
I’m no fortune teller, so I can’t predict whether you will fail to pay your $1,800-a-month rent. I’m just saying that if you do, Hawaii is probably the best state in the country to be homeless (you could be homeless in Alaska…). There are basically two seasons here: the dry season (84/70 Fahrenheit) and the humid season (81/65 Fahrenheit). So really there’s just one season. And when it rains, it usually pours for ten minutes and then it’s over.
5. There’s no better place to live out your The Endless Summer fantasy.
You can: surf, bodyboard, bodysurf, swim, sail, kayak, snorkel, dive, hobiecat, windsurf, parasail, parasurf, and kiteboard. And if you don’t like water sports, why the hell are you moving to Hawaii? I mean, if you don’t like water sports, with at least twelve mountain ridges here, there is plenty of hiking. Even on volcanoes, like the Haleakala volcano on Maui.
Anyone caught wearing lace-up shoes will be promptly arrested. Kidding. But honestly, everyone wears flip-flops or sandals here, even at work. I’d move to Hawaii based on this factor alone.
7. You’ll know who your real friends are.
The minute you move to Hawaii, all your friends, acquaintances, coworkers, former colleagues, distant relatives, old schoolmates, and Facebook “friends” will suddenly show up at your front door. Or front palm frond, if #4 becomes true. If these people never so much as re-tweeted one of your tweets prior to visiting you, you can cross them off your holiday card list.
8. It’s a good place to become an alcoholic.
Hawaiians make Mai Tais like they’re going out of style. This is a fabulous drink that Hawaii made famous and when done right (i.e. should not be every color of the rainbow) are so delicious that you will volunteer to be an alcoholic just so you never have to stop drinking them. Plus, if you pass out after drinking two or twenty, there’s a good chance that you’ll fall onto sand. Here’s how to make a Mai Tai.
A luau is a traditional Hawaiian celebration of life and often includes lots of food like kalua pig, lau lau, and poi, music, and hula dancing. It’s like a regular Friday night out in any big city, except it’s outdoors, on sand, and involves grass skirts.
10. Hawaii is made up of previously erupted volcanoes.
I mean, if that isn’t the coolest thing ever, I don’t know what is. “Where do you live?” “Oh, just on a volcano, that’s all. Yeah, I’m pretty badass.”
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