What’s Hiding in Miley Cyrus’s Storage Unit?

18 October 2013 by


Miley Cyrus is widely recognized as one of the most successful artists to originate from Disney, and that’s saying something considering some of the major talent that has come from there – Brittany Spears, Justin Timberlake and Hilary Duff to name a few. Miley ranked #13 on Forbes 2010 Celebrity 100. She was also named the “Most Charted Teenager” for the 2011 Guinness World Records, has 6 top 10 hits on the Billboard Hot 100 and four RIAA certified albums by the time she was 18.

For the last few years, Miley has been a wrecking ball of sorts (see what we did there?) She’s been in the news for the wrong reasons all the while becoming an internet and Social Media sensation, mostly thanks to her now defunct engagement, the MTV Video Music Award performance and her uh…smile.

Miley’s career has already been one of great success and much controversy. Let’s take a look into a hypothetical Miely Cyrus storage unit and see what we find.

(WARNING: Since this is Miley Cyrus, there is potential for NSFW pictures. We kept it clean but there is still some skin and drugs.) In saying that…..follow us into the storage unit if you dare….

Hannah Montana Swag: Why, what’s all this right in front? Hannah Montana gear of course. (S)Miley sure doesn’t want to forget the show and music which launched her career. T-shirts, jewelry, wigs, make-up and posters are everywhere. Wonder if there is anything else in this unit besides Hannah Montana stuff?



Billy Ray’s Career: Oh look, that’s where it’s been hiding all these years. No wonder no one has seen it since the 90’s.


Miley’s Hair: Uh-oh. I can see things starting shift gears here. After she cut all of her hair off didn’t she start to get all crazy? That’s a lot of hair too.



Wait….If she started to get crazy after her hair was cut off, wouldn’t that put the hair in the back of the storage unit, with all of her most recent shenanigans towards the front?

Maybe she doesn’t know how to properly pack. Who am I talking to anyway? Get out of here alter ego of mine.

Morals: Yep, just what we thought. Here are her morals. Look at them, just strewn about on the floor like she doesn’t care.


Engagement Ring: Here is her engagement ring from actor Liam Hemsworth. They dated for four years but I guess he got sick of her and pushed her to the curb. At least he let her keep the ring. Nice guy and smart? Ladies, he’s now available.


Vanity Fair Magazine: Maybe it’s starting to get a bit more respectable in here. There are a bunch of magazines from her earlier years and her Vanity Fair photo shoot with her dad. Half naked 15 year old posing with her dad? Not our style but not totally shocking considering its Miley.


Shirts: Miley posed nude for a charity T-shirt campaign with other celebrities. Not offensive, can’t see her private bits and it’s for a good cause. This one slides but why are there so many of these shirts in here?


A Wrecking Ball: Here we go again. The wrecking ball from her now infamous and insanely popular music video. This is a huge storage unit. How did she even get this in here?


Shower Pictures: It just keeps getting more and more disturbing. Her leaked shower pictures from when she was 15 which were supposedly only intended for her then boyfriend, one of the 6 Jonas brothers. We don’t care which one and we’re not posting the shower picture. If you want to see it, Google it yourself, pervert. Here’s a kitten instead.


Drug Paraphernalia: Bongs, marijuana and her Bob Marley cake. None of this can be good anymore, especially the cake. Why would she want to store all of this? If she smokes as much weed as she says she does, wouldn’t she just keep all of this with her? Maybe she forgot….


Miley Cyrus Getting High In Miami

Teddy Bears: The now infamous teddy bears from her VMA’s and twerking. Poor little bears. We’re sure all they want to do is hibernate and forget all this ever happened. Maybe they should try some of that leftover cake.

MTV VMAs Miley Cyrus

Foam Finger: Oh! Mother…..No! This is about the safest picture we found of this thing. You know the one…from her VMA performance. Don’t touch it. Who knows what is on that thing. Let’s just move on…quickly.


A Muzzle: At least someone was looking out for the rest of us. Too bad Miley never wears it. If she did it sure would be more difficult for her to stick her tongue out all the time. Do us a favor and grab that so we can put it on her, though we imagine she would still find a way to get her tongue out of that somehow.


Clothes: Tim Gunn said she’s not fashionable and that she dresses like a “50 year old cougar”. We’re not experts on clothing but if Tim is saying you dress awful, we will take his word for it. Clean it up, Miley.


Her Twerking: What is that at the very back of the unit there? Is that Miley twerking? I can’t tell either. Oh, no! It’s coming at us. Get out! Get out quick alter ego! We can only hope she stored the twerking so no one ever sees it again. Just RUN!


Well, that’s an interesting storage unit. That would have to be a large unit, most likely a 10×15, especially since she doesn’t know how to pack it properly. The unit would have to be climate controlled to keep her clothes and cake from being ruined. A climate controlled unit that size near her house in Toluca Lake, CA will most likely run her about $200 per month.


SSF Team

SSF Team

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